Lost and Found
I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t believe in God, but believing in itself is not enough.

The first 8 years of my life are mostly repressed, mainly due to not wanting to remember my sister who died in a car accident in 1969.  I spent many years up to my 30s thinking that she had a life of her own far distant from mine. I later found out that we were very close and spent a lot of time together – the agony of her loss was too much for my immature mind to cope with, so she just got erased from my memory. My sister’s demise, was followed 3 years later by the death of my Granny who had been nursed at our home by my mother due to cancer. Next came the tragic loss of my closest school friend (who I named my first son after) who died in a freak accident with his father’s war pistol. The next event was the passing of a VERY dear dog – Vida, a lovely cavalier King Charles spaniel; which might not seem so dramatic, but it really hurt me at the time. The loss of those closest to me added to the hurt of losing my sister.

In the early 70’s I attended a kid’s religious group for a few weeks in the summer, which met on the recreation ground just outside where I used to live, – good times which led on to me becoming a member of a fellowship that met on Monday evenings at Sidley House. I have no idea of any organisation connected to it, but they all seemed impressed with my biblical knowledge – at least as far as being able to find where passages were. I was always a bit of a bright spark, passing my 11+ at the end of junior school.  That gave me the opportunity to go on to grammar school, but I chose instead to carry on with the normal secondary school as I didn’t want to lose all my friends.  That was one of the first occurrences in my life of “What ifs”.  I think we can all look back on life and wonder “what if”  over certain choices made.  Putting my church life on the back-burner was another serious one - I never stopped believing in there being a God, but didn’t really appreciate who Jesus was (and is).

Of course teenage years arrived, and I did a lot of walking and cycling to keep myself amused, and there were dogs to take out as well. I tended to love dogs more than people back then. However it wasn’t much later that I discovered girls, and found myself quickly and easily falling in (what I regarded as) love with many of them – with nothing in return. I was happy doing my own thing – not always to everyone’s approval.I spent a year at 6th Form college but was most dismayed to find that they wouldn’t let me take the ‘A’ level Psychology course that interested me, as I didn’t have enough qualifications. I just used the time to get 3 ‘O’ levels – English Language, Modern Mathematics, and Biology.  Then I inflicted myself upon the world, getting a dead-end job in a supermarket (which is no longer there) and rose to the heights of becoming the warehouse manager!  Of course, I also became friends with the wrong sort of people, becoming addicted to drugs (thankfully only cannabis – but that was enough) which led me on the downhill slope of overdoing the alcohol when I couldn’t get hold of any.  If I wasn’t stoned I was usually sloshed for the next few years.

Despite all that I started regularly attending All Saints church in Sidley, having a good relationship with the priest and his wife.  He tried teaching me more about what Christianity really was, but I was just one of those Sunday Christians who tried to be good for one day a week, but reverted to my ‘normal’ life for the rest of the week.  I thought that just going through the motions would rub off on me, and that nodding in all the right places would be enough, and that I would still earn my salvation in that misguided way.  I was only deceiving myself, Father Norman and God himself.

At that time I met a lady 13 years older than me, who had the misfortune to become my wife after a while.  I say ‘misfortune’ because it was for all the wrong reasons – it was lust rather than love, and it was only for the tax benefits of the time.  We had 2 boys whom I have lost touch with, but although I was their father I was NEVER really a Daddy to them.  This was probably not helped by my father for whom I had no respect at all – he seemed to think it was an automatic occurrence that did not need to be earned – sadly, I probably followed his example,

Eventually the road I was on led to me breaking the law badly enough to be arrested and imprisoned.  It may sound crazy, but I still consider that to be the 2nd best thing that ever happened to me – the best thing follows shortly.  In prison I was far enough removed from the world to be able to spend the time psychoanalysing myself. Despite not being able to take the course in college it was still a great interest of mine.  I spent the first year of my captivity in Lewes prison, and realised that my lifestyle seriously needed to change, as I was heading nowhere.I promised myself that I would change things when I was finally released.  While in there I awoke on my 30th birthday with “You can’t carry on being 17 for the rest of your life” running through my head – not the most profound thing that the Lord has ever said, BUT it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  It was what I had been waiting to hear for too long, so I prayed the ‘sinner’s prayer’, accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, and started on the path that that has led me to where I am now. After a year at Lewes I was transferred to a prison in Norfolk to serve the rest of my sentence. It was there that I met and joined a prison fellowship, which led to me reading through the entire bible for the first time in my life. I even preached to the small group on a couple of occasions.  It was also during this time that I forgave my father, and had my surname changed to his by deed poll.  Until then I had been using my mother’s surname, and didn’t change it when they married when I was 14.

When I was released after 3yrs and 4 months of my 7 years sentence, I joined Kings Church in Hastings, got baptised, and went to 6 Stoneleigh bible weeks before they ceased in 2001. I eventually left Kings, and spent a little while looking around; even going to Bexhill Community Church for a little while, and then found New Life church in Hastings, led by Kenn Baird who was leader of Foursquare UK at the time. He inspired me enough to actually get a passport and go out of my comfort zone to go on a mission to Albania with him. It was great fun speaking biblical truths through an interpreter!  Kenn eventually left for another church up north, and I found myself looking around again. I finally thought I would try Bexhill Community Church again, which had changed its name to Living Word. It was one of those times when, as I walked through the doors, I felt that this was my home.

I have grown from a druggy alcoholic misfit who couldn’t stand the thought of prayer meetings, to (I hope) a well-respected member of the family of God meeting regularly at Eastwood Road, and even going so far as to be the sole organiser of the Prayer Hotline which is used to get members praying for situations that arise. I have even led a few prayer meetings on a Wednesday evening.  So, as Jesus did while He was here on earth, He has turned my life upside-down and I continually thank and praise Him for it.

David